


Bad Jew

by JustYourAverageFanboy



Series: Can You See Me/Can You Hear Me? [3]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Bad Parenting, Blind!Evan, Emotional Abuse, Gen, Happy Ending, Homobphobia, Homophobic Slurs, Interalized Homophobia, Jared-centered fic, LGBTQ Jewish Character(s), M/M, i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-23
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-08-28 00:30:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16713043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustYourAverageFanboy/pseuds/JustYourAverageFanboy
Summary: Bad Jew.Bad Jew.Bad Jew!That phrase rang in his head every day whenever he did something wrong, even if she wasn’t there her voice still played in his mind.He wanted it to stop.





	Bad Jew

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is appreciated
> 
> This mostly takes place before and during the events of CYSM/CYHM but I don't really think you need to read the main fic before this

Five-year-old Jared and six-year-old Evan were playing in Evan’s driveway. They were playing with Jared’s new toy trucks that he got for Christmas last year from Evan’s dad. Jared’s family only celebrated Hanukkah, but they accepted Christmas gifts from the Hansens.

Evan was looking for rocks and twigs from the backyard to build a garage for the trucks. His arms were full of rocks of various shapes and sizes by the time he came back. He had a large grin on his face and he exclaimed, “Look at this one rock I found, Jared! It's so cool.” He was running towards Jared when he tripped over his untied shoelace.

The rocks fell from his hands, scattering across the asphalt and colliding into the half-built garage. Evan laid on the driveway, arms out in front of him. Tears streamed down his face. Jared didn't know what to do. He didn't like the sound of crying or seeing people cry. His mom had always told him that boys don't cry.

He didn't say that to Evan though. That would make the situation worse. Instead, he helped the hurt boy sit up. His shorts were dirty from the dust and pebbles. His knees were scraped up from where the rocks dug into them.

Jared stared at the wounds in horror. “Heidi!” he screamed. He stood up and ran as fast as his little legs could move. He pushed open the front door and ran into the kitchen. Heidi was making lunch for the two kids.

“Heidi!” Jared pulled on her skirt. “Evan’s hurt bad.”

Heidi set down the plate of sandwiches she made and rushed out of the house, Jared tailing behind. She skidded to a stop and kneeled down. “Honey, what happened?” she asked. Evan’s cries got louder. She looked at Jared.

“He wanted to show me a rock and he tripped.”

“Shh, Evan,” she whispered. She ran her hand over his hair. “It's okay, you're okay.” She wiped away his tears as his sobs subsided. “Let's go inside and fix you up, okay? Then you guys can have lunch and play with the new toys you got for your birthday. Does that sound fun?”

Evan nodded and wiped his eyes. Heidi stood up and lifted the boy into her arms. Balancing Evan on her hip with one hand, she held out her other for Jared to take. She walked the two boys into the house and over to the living room. She set Evan down on the coffee table. Jared sat on the floor in front of him. Heidi left to get bandaids and tissues, along with the sandwiches.

“Does it hurt?” Jared asked, looking at the scrapes.

Evan sniffed, nodding. He directed his gaze to the carpet. “I ruined the garage.” He wiped his eyes. “I'm sorry.”

“We can rebuild it,” Jared assured. “Didn't you wanna show me a rock?”

The blond shrugged. “Maybe later.”

The two fell into a calm silence. Heidi returned with her arms full; one hand held bandaids and other things, the other balanced a plate of sandwiches. She set the plate down next to Evan and he and Jared moved to grab one. There was a peanut butter and jelly one for Jared and a turkey and cheese one for Evan.

Jared moved out of the way so Heidi could fix Evan’s wounds. “This might sting a little,” she said, pouring some kind of liquid onto a tissue. “Can you be my brave boy and stay still?”

Evan nodded, not opening his mouth in case crumbs fell out. Heidi gently pressed the cloth against his right knee. He cried out, but he kept his legs still despite wanting to kick them up. He barely had enough time to take another breath before the cloth was pressed on his other knee. A stray tear escaped his closed eyes.

Heidi set the cloth down and opened two Star Wars bandaids. She placed them on Evan’s knees. “There. We’re done Evan,” she soothed. “You did so well.” She kissed the top of his head. She stood up and noticed they had both finished their sandwiches. “Do you boys want a cookie?”

The two boys perked up and nodded. Evan jumped off the table and he and Jared ran into the kitchen. Heidi smiled and followed after them at a much slower pace.

Once they both had an oatmeal cookie in their hands, they went up to Evan’s room. Jared glanced at Evan’s legs, noticing how he didn't bend his knees. It looked more like waddling than walking.

“Why are you walking like that?” Jared asked through a mouthful of cookie.

Evan shrugged. “Worried the bandaids will fall off.”

Jared thought that was stupid, but he kept his mouth shut.

The two got to Evan’s room. Jared looked around. He was almost never in Evan’s room. They would mostly play at the park because Evan insisted on climbing trees, or they'd be at Jared’s house playing board games or in Evan's yard playing knights or detectives. Most sleepovers were held at Evan’s house, though, because Evan would get homesick easily even if they lived right across from each other.

The first and only sleepover at Jared’s house ended with Evan crying in the middle of the night. Jared’s Mom had to call Heidi so Evan could go home. Evan apologized so many times after that and Jared always forgave him.

Evan's walls were a nice baby blue with white dots scattered around. It reminded Jared of Toy Story. He noticed how much cleaner the room was compared to his own. Jared's had toys everywhere and sometimes the living pillows because he wanted to make a pillow fort with Evan.

Evan wandered over to his toy chest and opened it. Jared peeked over his shoulder.

“Barbies?” he questioned.

Evan's cheeks turned red. “They were a birthday gift from my aunt in, in. . . Ar-Kansas?” He pronounced it like Kansas but Jared didn't correct him. He found it funny.

“My parents won't let me play with Barbies,” Jared said. “My Mom says they're for girls.”

“My dad doesn't like me having them,” Evan said, sorting through the toys. “But he wants me to be happy so he puts up with it.”

“Can we play with them?”

Evan nodded. “I don't have any boy ones though.” He grabbed two. One was wearing a pink dress and the other wore shorts and a pink shirt.

“That's okay.”

Evan handed Jared the one with the dress and they walked downstairs. Evan voiced ideas of what they should do with them.

“We could. . . We could have them be spies!” he suggested. “Or they could be on an island because they're ship crashed, or they could be fashion designers looking for their next clothing line.”

“I like the spy one,” Jared said. Evan smiled and sat down. He stuck his legs out in front of him.

For the next two hours, the boys played. Evan named his doll Nancy. Her agent name was Agent N. Jared's doll was named Bridget and her agent name was Agent B. Agent N and Agent B were looking for top secret government information so they could find the stolen ring for their client Heidi.

Jared was crawling under the coffee table, careful not to hit his head. Something sharp pierced his elbow. He cried out and glanced at what hurt him. He gasped, grabbed the object, and crawled out from under the table.

“Evan!” he yelled. He held the ring tightly in his raised fist. “I found it!””

Evan raced over to him. “Really? I'll go give it to her.”

Jared nodded and watched as Evan ran out of the room, yelling for his mom. He leaned against the table, looking at his Barbie. He smoothed her dress down and ran his fingers through her knotted hair, trying to get the tangles out. A gasp from the entryway made him look up.

His mother marched over to him and grabbed him by the arm, pulling him up. Her grip didn't loosen even when Jared let out a quiet yelp. “What are you doing?” she asked. She took the doll from him. “Where did you get this?”

“Evan,” Jared answered, lowering his gaze to his socks.

Claire huffed. “You know you're not supposed to play with these things, Jared.”

“Sorry, Mom.”

“Oh!” Jared looked up and saw Heidi walking up the stairs with Evan in her arms. “Hi Claire.” She shifted herself to hold Evan better.

“Hello, Heidi. I'm sorry to cut the play date short, but we have a dinner to get to and it's a three hour drive.”

_That's not true_ , Jared thought. He stared up at his mom, wondering why she lied.

Heidi nodded. “Thanks for letting Jared come over. They had so much fun.”

Claire smiled. “I'm sure they did.” She gently tugged Jared's arm. “Come on, Jared. You can put your shoes on in the car.”

She dropped the Barbie on the floor.

Jared stared at Evan as the two walked out of the house. Claire pulled his arm again, making him stumble.

“What have I said about Barbies, Jared?” Claire asked once they were at the end of the driveway. Jared glanced over his shoulder at the house.

“My trucks. . .”

“Answer the question.”

“They're for girls,” he mumbled.

“Are you a girl, Jared?” He shook his head. “Only bad Jews disobey their parents. Do you want to be a bad Jew?” Another head shake. “Good. Now who are Barbies for?”

Jared sniffed. “Girls and bad Jews.”

Claire smiled. “That's my good boy.”

 

Eight-year-old Jared was woken up by his mother opening the blinds. He groaned and squeezed his eyes shut, rolling onto his side so he faced the wall. He buried himself under the thick comforter, trying to make himself as small as possible. He heard the sound of his mother’s feet softly pattering over to him. She gently shook his shoulder.

“Jared,” she whispered. “Come on, we’re going back to school shopping.” Jared didn’t budge. Maybe if he didn’t move, the day wouldn’t go by and school wouldn’t start ever. “You don’t want to wear the same clothes as last year, do you? You can pick out something you like.”

Jared huffed and rolled over onto his back. He peeked his eyes out from under the blanket. His mother smiled and ruffled his hair. He grimaced and covered his head again. She laughed and walked away.

“I’ll be downstairs making breakfast,” she said. “Your father’s already at work so it’s just us the whole day.”

The bedroom door closed and Jared kicked the covers off. He jumped off the bed and walked over to his closet. It took him a while to yank open the door. Shirts and hoodies hung from hangers and jeans and shorts were stacked neatly in the small drawers. Jared made note of the messy pile of DS and Gameboy games and that he should fix it when they got home.

Jared picked out a pair of shorts. He pulled off his pajama bottoms and pulled on the shorts. He caught sight of a light blue shirt that was balled up and in the way back of the closet. He wanted to go over and put it on, but he was sure his mom would get mad. His father had gotten him that shirt for his birthday and said he was only allowed to wear it when mom wasn’t home, so it wasn’t often.

Maybe he should wear it just to see her reaction. But she’d probably get rid of it and it was the only good birthday present he’d gotten from his parents.

Deciding on a Star Wars shirt, he walked out of the bedroom. He was busy putting his arms through the sleeves when he nearly fell down the stairs. He cried out, flailing his arms, searching for the railing.

His mother walked out of the kitchen, concerned at why his son was making so much noise. “Jared?” she asked. “Are you okay?” Jared nodded, squeezing his eyes closed and still holding onto the railing. He made a noise that sounded like a yes when he realized she probably couldn’t see him. “Good. Go get your glasses and join me for breakfast.”

He ran back to his room. He crawled across his bed and reached his small arm toward the small bedside table where his glasses rested. He put them on and ran out of the room and down the stairs.

After breakfast, he was in the back of the car. Jared looked out the window, watching the buildings and cars pass by. It only took them ten minutes to get to Kohl’s. Jared hopped out of the car and ran to his mother’s side. She held out her hand and Jared took it.

“Remember Jared,” she said, “don’t leave my side and wander. This is a big store and you could get lost.”

Jared nodded. The two walked through the store. When they reached the boy’s section, Jared let go of his mother’s hand. She began picking out shirts and holding them up to Jared’s torso. Jared was busy looking at everything to notice his mother walking away. He quickly ran to her.

Jared caught sight of a blue shirt over in the girl’s section. It had a bright green dinosaur on it. Looking at his mom and seeing she was busy picking out jeans, he dashed down the aisle and over to the shirt. He held it up to his torso like his mom did with the other shirts. He didn't understand why she did that, but it seemed fun.

“Jared?”

Jared spun around and saw his mom looking at him angrily. She marched over to him and grabbed the shirt. “What are you doing?”

“I just-“

“I told you to stay near me,” she scolded. “Why are you in the girl’s section?”

“The shirt looked nice. Please mom? You can’t even tell it’s a girl’s shirt. And you said I could pick out something I like.”

 

She ignored that last comment. “Have you ever seen a little boy wearing a shirt like this?”

“No but. . . I like it.”

“No, Jared.” Jared looked to the floor, sniffing lightly. “Don’t you dare start crying Jared. That’s what bad Jews do.”

Jared squeezed his eyes shut, desperately trying to hold back the tears. He clenched his hands into fists as a tear slid passed. He heard his mom sigh. He looked up and saw her put the shirt back. She grabbed him by the arm and pulled him along.

He cried out, trying to yank his arm back. Her grip just tightened. She paid for the clothes they had and brought Jared to the car.

“I’m dropping you off at home and then I’m going to finish the clothes shopping,” she said sternly.

Jared’s face burned but no tears fell. He wasn’t a bad Jew.

 

The first day of fifth grade had finally ended and Jared and Evan were walking home. Evan was holding onto Jared’s elbow as Jared had been asked by the teacher to be his guide during class. Jared watched with fascination as Evan’s white cane swung back and forth.

Evan had one hand fiddling with a backpack strap. He kept his head tilted down. Kids giggled and pointed as they walked passed. Jared’s face turned red and he put his hand on the side of his face as if that would keep him safe from prying eyes. He had been teased by them all day.

He didn’t blame Evan, of course not. It wasn’t his fault he’d gone blind. He blamed the teacher for asking Jared to do this, he blamed himself for not being able to tell the other kids off. His mother would be able to for sure and he wished she had been able to pick them up.

The two kids turned and were finally away from the others. Jared somewhat relaxed. They were on Jared’s street. His house was at the end of the block. As they got closer, the white fence and his father’s grey car came into view.

Jared opened the fence gate and lead Evan up the driveway, letting the gate slam shut behind them. Evan flinched at the sound. Guilt swam through Jared, but he didn’t apologize.

The front door was unlocked so he just pushed it open and Evan let go of his elbow. They took off their shoes and set them in the closet. Well, Evan put his right next to the door so he’d know where they were when he left.

If he were to be honest with himself, Jared really didn’t want Evan over at the moment. His mom had been in a bad mood that morning and Jared didn’t want it to get worse. Evan might accidentally do something and then she’d yell. Or Jared might do something and he’d get called a bad Jew. Or Evan might get called a bad Jew. He didn’t want that. He just wanted to run to his room and sleep, but of course Heidi had taken a late shift at the hospital and Evan’s house was too far to walk to. So Jared’s mom would have to drop Evan off later.

Once Evan had taken off his thin jacket that Heidi recommended him to wear even though it wasn’t even fall yet, Jared lead him up the stairs to his bedroom. Evan made his way to his bed and sat down. He was doing his own thing so Jared started up his Nintendo DS. He got himself situated on the floor, back leaned against the bed frame and legs crossed.

He smirked as he loaded up multiplayer. There was this kid on the block who always joined Mario Kart games after school and Jared always beat them. He plugged in his headphones as he waited for the person to join. The Mario Kart music was blasting in his ears.

A few minutes passed and the kid hadn’t joined yet, so Jared closed multiplayer. Maybe some other time. He sighed as the single player mode finished loading. He chose his character; it was always Princess Peach. Any female character in a racing or action game was automatically cool in his book; didn’t matter what she looked like, if they were in the game he liked her. He liked Peach the best. And of course he had chosen a bike because bikes are cooler than karts (and because Peach always looked weird with a dress while being stuffed into a kart).

He chose Rainbow Road, the hardest track. He was a total boss at it, though. He would challenge classmates to a race during recess and they would lose. Jared smiled smugly as the race began.

He was halfway through the second lap when Evan tapped his shoulder. He paused his game and looked behind him.

“Yes?”

“Your mom’s calling you,” Evan said.

Jared sighed and stood up, stretching and letting his joints crack. He laughed at the way Evan grimaced. He let his DS drop out of his hands and he walked out of the room. He bounded down the stairs and made his way to the kitchen where his mom always was right when she got home.

She was reading a book when he walked in. She looked up and bookmarked her page, closing the book and setting it down. “How was the first day of school?” she asked. “Come on, sit.”

“It was okay,” he replied, sitting slowly in the chair across from her.

“Make any new friends?”

“Well, Evan’s in my class so I didn’t really have to talk to anybody else,” he said. He put his arms on the table. “But this one boy did come up and start talking to me.”

“Oh really?” His mom sat up straighter. “What’s he like?”

“He’s cute,” Jared blurted. His eyes widened a bit and he clamped his mouth shut.

“He’s cute. . .” she repeated. “Jared.”

“I know mom!” Jared yelled. “I know. I’m a bad Jew! Every time I do something you don’t like, you say I’m a bad Jew. I don’t need constant reminders!” He stood up fast, making the chair fall backwards.

His mother was silent for a moment. “Go tell Evan to come down,” she whispered in a stern tone, “I’ll take him home.”

Jared stared at her before stomping out of the kitchen. He stormed up the stairs, making sure to stomp his feet really loud so his mom could hear him. He walked into his room. Evan jumped and looked at him.

“Get your things ready,” Jared said. “Mom’s bringing you home.”

“So soon?” Evan asked, getting to his knees. He tried to put his Greek Mythology book into his backpack. “Why, why now? And, and what happened, down there?”

“Nothing,” Jared lied, “don’t worry about it.”

“But-“

_Don’t react. Deflect._

“I said don’t worry about it!” he snapped. Evan jumped back. “Just put your stupid book away and leave.” Evan frowned and did as Jared said. He didn’t so much as move fast or even breathe loudly as if he was scared of making a noise. Jared immediately wanted to apologize, but kept his mouth shut.

Evan had trouble zipping up his backpack because the book was sticking out. Evan kept zipping and unzipping.

“Give it here.” Jared reached over and snatched the backpack. He shoved the book into it and zipped it up properly. “God, can’t you do anything?”

“Sorry,” Evan mumbled, gently taking the backpack back. He swung it over his shoulders, fiddling with the straps, and stood up. “Thanks, for, for letting me stay over.”

“Whatever.” He lead Evan back downstairs and over to the entryway. When Evan had his shoes on and tied and his cane, he let his mom take over. She walked him to the car.

He watched as the car pulled out of the driveway and made sure his dad wasn’t around the living room. He sat on the floor and crossed his legs as the tears threatened to spill.

_Don’t react. Just deflect._

 

Jared scanned the crowded hallway, looking for a familiar dark skinned girl. He moved through the sea of students and almost didn’t see her, but she had stopped at her locker. He pushed through everybody, calling out her name.

“Alana!” 

The girl turned around and saw Jared waving his hand around, trying to get her attention. He finally made it to her locker and was panting.

“Hello Jared,” she said, holding her notebooks to her chest. “How are you?”

“I’m just peachy,” he responded, flashing a quick smile. “But I need to ask you something.”

“Of course!” She matched him with a large grin of her own. “You are one of my closest acquaintances after all.”

Jared scratched the back of his neck. “Right. Anyways, I need you to pretend to be my girlfriend.”

Alana’s jaw dropped. “Jared, you do know I like girls, correct?”

“Yes, I do. But please! I need to get my mom off my back, at least for a while. She thinks I’m gay.”

“But you are.”

“But I can’t have her thinking that!” Jared groaned. “Just. . . At least for a week, okay? Please?”

Alana sighed. He did look desperate. But. “Jared, I have a girlfriend. Won’t that be cheating?”

“No, because we’re not actually together. It’s just a facade. If you decide to help me, come over at six.” He handed the girl a small slip of paper and ran off.

It was exactly six O’clock and so far, there was no sign of Alana. Jared was about to go back into his house, defeated, and was mentally preparing a fabricated explanation for his mom when a red car rolled into the driveway.

Alana popped out of the backseat. She quickly spoke to the driver. She waved at the window and started towards Jared.

She cleared her throat. “I don’t approve of what you’re doing,” she stated, “but you are my acquaintance so I’ll go along with your lie. But only for a week, tops. No more.”

“Yes, yes of course,” Jared said. “Thank you for showing up. I wasn’t ready to tell my mom that you didn’t show, she’s really happy to meet you.”

Alana pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. Jared lead her up the porch steps and opened the door, stepping aside so she could go in first. He bowed and put an arm out beside him as a large gesture. It did nothing but make Alana stop and stare before walking into the house. Jared saw the faintest smile on her face and stood up proudly.

He gave her a mini tour of the first floor.

“This is the living room,” he said, gesturing to the large space in front of them. “To the left is the kitchen where my mom probably is. To the right is the dent in the wall I made when I was six.”

“There’s a story there,” Alana commented.

Jared chuckled. “Yup. I was running and tripped. I hit my head on the wall, pretty sure I blacked out. My mom says I also hit the corner of the table over there and now there’s a small dent in my head. Fun times.”

Alana bit her lip and nodded. Jared led her to kitchen. His mom was sitting at the table, talking on her phone. Jared fiddled with the Star of David bracelet his mom left on the kitchen counter, waiting for her to finish her call.

He threw an apologetic smile towards Alana. She pursed her lips and rocked back and forth on her heels.

“—okay, bye Diana,” Jared’s mom said, “yes, I’ll see you on Tuesday to help. Alright, bye.” She pressed the phone screen and set the phone down. She directed her gaze towards the two high schoolers.

Jared cleared his throat and straightened his back. He reached for Alana’s hand and gripped it. “Mom, this is my girlfriend.” He felt silly saying it. Alana probably felt silly hearing it. Or maybe more awkward than silly. She’d probably use one of those sophisticated words like conflicted or ungainly.

Jared’s mom lit up and she seemed to sigh in relief. Jared’s heart tightened, his throat closed up, muscles tensed.

Alana stepped up to the kitchen table, extending a hand. “Hello,” she smiled, “I’m Alana.”

Jared’s mom smiled back, taking Alana’s hand and shaking it. “Hello Alana.” Her eyes shifted over to Jared, who was leaning against the counter and seeming extremely uncomfortable. “Jared, why don’t you tell me how you two met.”

Jared froze. “How we. . . Met?” She nodded. He cleared his throat and pushed himself off the counter. He made his way over to the two ladies. “Alright.”

After Jared’s long and probably exaggerated tale of how he met his “girlfriend” (It wasn’t really exaggerated, it was more of a fabricated lie about how they actually met), Alana and his mom spent the next hour talking. Alana talked about her studies and volunteer work while his mom made tea. Jared just hung in the background.

Alana seemed to sense his awkwardness and gently patted his thigh, giving a soft smile. She turned her attention back to his mom.

Jared sent her a text and shortly after, her phone buzzed, startling her. Alana fished her phone out from her dress pocket. She read the text and furrowed her eyebrows. Her eyes subtly slid over to Jared.

“This has been fun and all,” she said, putting on a sad smile, “but I have plans with my dad and he’s outside. It was a pleasure meeting you.”

Jared’s mom nodded. “Nice to meet you, Alana.”

Jared stood up and carefully pushed her out of the kitchen. “I’ll show you to the door,” he called over his shoulder so his mom would hear.

They reached the door and Alana stopped, causing Jared to nearly run into her. She turned around. “Jared,” she said sternly yet voice hardly above a whisper, “you need to tell her about Zack.”

Jared sighed. “I can’t, Alana. You’re lucky you have accepting parents. Me, not so much. I’ve tried telling her but she brushes it off and the next day asks if I found a girl.”

Alana crossed her arms. “It’s not healthy to keep this bottled up.”

Jared threw his arms up. “What do you not understand about “I have tried”?”

Apparently he was being too loud because his mom was poking her head out of the kitchen. “Everything alright?”

Jared waved her away. “Yes mom.” He grabbed Alana’s hand and pulled her out of the house. He closed the door behind him and pressed his back against it. “I can handle this Alana. In a week, I’ll tell her that we broke up; you wanting to focus on studies more than dating and me not being ready for a relationship.”

Alana seemed to think it over for a minute before nodded. “Alright. A week. No more.”

Jared smiled. “This is why we’re friends.” He fished around in his pocket and pulled out a five dollar bill. “This is all I have with me, I’ll get you the rest later.”

“Wow, five whole dollars,” Alana exclaimed sarcastically, “what ever will I do with this much? I bet I can pay off my future student loans.”

“I never knew you could be sarcastic,” Jared joked.

Alana bounced on the balls of her feet. “Contrary to popular belief,” she said, pushing up her glasses, “I do know how to have fun.”

“That depends on your definition of fun.”

The girl rolled her eyes. Her eyes drifted over to the house for a second. She leaned forward and pressed a quick kiss to Jared’s cheek.

Jared’s eyes went wide and he stared at her like she’d lost her mind.

“Your mom was looking.” She shrugged. “Bye.” She waved at Jared, then to the house, and turned around and walked over to the red car that was still there. Had it been there this whole time?

Jared watched the car roll out of the driveway and disappear down the street.

 

Bad Jew.

_Bad Jew._

_Bad Jew!_

That phrase rang in his head every day whenever he did something wrong, even if she wasn’t there her voice still played in his mind.

He wanted it to stop.

That’s how Jared found himself sitting on Evan’s bed while Evan was getting each of them a glass of water. Heidi wasn’t home yet so they didn’t have to worry about getting in trouble for staying up on a school night.

Jared was picking at his fingernails when Evan returned. He was handed a glass of ice water. It was still a strange sight to see; Evan walking around without his cane or sunglasses, able to see the world around him. He’s known him since they were four-years-old, and most of those years he never left the house without any of those objects.

He took a small sip and relished in the feeling as the cold liquid slid down his throat. He set the glass on the least crowded shelf on Evan’s bed.

“What’s— what do you wanna talk about?” Evan asked, sitting cross-legged on the bed.

Jared shook his head and dug the heels of his hands into his eyes. “I want it to stop.”

Evan’s eyes flashed with something Jared recognized but couldn’t name. “Jared, you’re not talking about—“

“That’s not what I meant!” Jared shouted. Evan jumped at the increase of volume but nodded. “I just. . .” Jared sighed. “I want to come out. But whenever I’ve tried she just brushes it off.”

Evan bit his lip and looked around his room. He brought his attention back to the upset boy sitting across from him. “Tell her you won’t take no for any answer.”

Jared held his arms to his chest. “She’s gonna call me a bad Jew, Evan. I’m not sure how many more of those I can take.”

He felt awful. He’s never been this willingly vulnerable in front of anyone, not even Zack or Evan. Not even himself. The only time he remembered feeling this exposed was when he was eight-years-old and he couldn’t get the dinosaur shirt he wanted.

It was terrible. It was like those dreams where you’re in school without clothes, and he wanted it to stop.

“You might be fine with being a bad Jew,” he continued. He didn’t miss the way Evan flinched at the saying. “But I’m not. I don’t like hearing the constant, “Only bad Jews play with girl toys, Jared’’, ‘‘only bad Jews sneak out, Jared’’, and the ‘‘only bad Jews kiss the same sex, faggot.’’ But I’m willing to suffer through this until I’m 18.”

Evan sighed. “Well, whatever you decide to do, you should have someone there with you to keep you focused.”

 

Seventeen-year-old Jared stood in the middle of the living room with a boy next to him. His parents sat on the couch in front of them. His dad looked puzzled and his mom looked angry, as if she knew what this was about. She probably did. Jared looked at the boy next to him. The colorful haired boy smiled at him and nodded.

Jared took a deep breath and stepped forward. “Mom, dad,” he started. He looked back at the boy. Then back to his parents. “I’m gay.”

His father didn’t react. His expression was bare, and his eyes slid over to his wife as she stood up. Her arms were crossed and her eyes were narrowed. “No you’re not,” she said.

Jared took a step back. “Yes I am, mom. And this is my boyfriend Zack.” Said boy stepped forward and grabbed Jared’s hand, giving it a squeeze and him a smile. “I’m not letting you brush over this.”

“I did not raise a faggot,” the mom exclaimed. “I won’t accept this.”

“You don’t have to accept it, m’am,” Zack said. “You just have to tolerate it.”

“Jared,” his dad said, looking at his son. “Don’t listen to your mother, she’s-“

“No, George! I did not raise a gay child.” She turned toward Jared.

Jared took a deep breath, trying to settle his nerves before saying, “Yes, you did. And you can’t change that.” His voice wavered throughout the statement, and he braced himself for whatever Claire threw at him.

Her eyes went back and forth between Jared and Zack as she tried to come up with a counter argument. Realizing she couldn’t, she let out a huff and walked out of the living room.

Evan was right; it did feel better to not let her go on her phase speech. While his mom’s outburst did sting, he tried to not let it get to him. He had Zack, Evan, Alana, and while he didn’t want to admit it, he had Connor too.

He stared at the spot his mom had been at. Zack directed his gaze toward him instead and brought him in for a kiss. Jared smiled and felt warm tears slowly trail down his face. Zack stepped back, alarmed. Jared shook his head and hugged him.

Who cared if he was a bad Jew? Not him. 

Okay, that was a lie. 

He didn’t want to be one, but what could he do about it? As long as he was happy, he didn’t mind it one bit.

“I’m proud of you,” Zack whispered in Jared’s ear. Jared just pulled him closer.

_I am too._

**Author's Note:**

> This took me like five days to write and then I threw it aside and focused on the Connor centered one I posted a while ago and forgot about this one
> 
> Fun fact: the story Jared told about him hitting his head actually happened to me but it was in school in 1st grade and it was a desk. Still have the small dent to this day


End file.
